A ritual to meet your future self

How I met my current partner

I wrote the following on Facebook this week and had such an outpouring of love (thank you!) and interest in the ritual I did, that I’m sharing instructions for the ritual at the end of this post.

“I feel vulnerable after sharing that post the other day about my currently dazzling love life.

Connecting to people who might have seen it and felt a judgement or perhaps a layer of pain around their intimate relationship or lack of one. And when I feel more deeply into that, I feel my own pain at the sheer length of time I have spent single, without much physical affection or deep intimacy and the years of continuous cycles of making peace / honouring my longing / feeling grief and rage...

I have managed to reach the age of forty four without ever really growing together with someone through an intimate relationship, mostly spending short stints of time with unavailable men and normalizing a regularly activated nervous system.

What changed?

I think I finally grew up. I owned all the ways that I had created a lot of heartache and drama in my life and I decided that the question "What am I available for and what not?" was going to be my guiding north star.

And with so much time spent single, I found many ways to romance myself and create a beautiful life, so I reached a point where I was no longer willing to compromise and no longer willing to give away my responsibility.

And then last year I did a ritual where I summoned my future selves at the ages of 50, 60, 70 and 80 and let me tell you, Ruby aged 50 surprised me, so different than what I expected. She was so soft and delicious, so romanced by life, and so clearly in loving partnership. In this ritual I was given the spirits of a rose and pearl to work with, in order to support embodying the frequency of this 50 year old future me. And so I started collecting dried roses on my altar and working with pearl.

Very shortly after this, I met a wonderful human who now nearly a year later is still making me laugh every day and is the kindest, warmest, soulful, big bear of a man. My altar is now full of roses that he has given me (!) He also happens to be a sailor with a profound connection to the ocean (pearls!). My biggest challenge is learning to relax into how lovely it is, because my nervous system is so used to being activated and I've normalised feeling such scarcity.

I'm not sure whether I'm the marrying type and whether I'll ever marry, but after everything I have been through, it feels so wonderful to (also publicly) celebrate being a well-loved woman. And hopefully share a message of hope that anyone whose heart desires to be met in this way that is IS possible!

.... and psssst! Send me a message if you want me to share the ritual I did with you so you can try it.”

So here is a description of the ritual I did...

The ritual is from my colleague Iva Samina, who facilitates it in our workshop collaboration When Women Blossom. I asked her for her blessing to share it with you, and it feels tender to put it out into the world in this different context. Please treat it with respect (you can use it for yourself but she does not extend her blessing to facilitate it in your own workshop).

Let me be clear though: it is not a ritual that is for finding a partner!

That just seemingly happened to me. It is a ritual for tuning into your best possible future. And it really is a powerful, powerful ritual, so carve out time and space for it, prepare your space, don’t just go through the motions, but really DO IT!

Here it is:

Step 1

Gather either an image or object or write words on paper for each future decade of your life and your death (e.g  if you are 40+ years old then e.g your 50s, 60s, 70, 80s, 90s and your death.) Each item should encapsulate your best possible expression of this chapter. You can have one object per decade or more than one object. You can do this all at once or take a few days or even weeks for this stage.

You can use your conscious mind for this, but let it flow and allow yourself to be surprised by what object or image you are drawn to.

Step 2

Draw a timeline on the floor in front of you with tape - just a straight line with little markers for each decade (could also be string).

When you are ready, consciously place each item in its appropriate place, so you have your timeline with objects representing each future decade and your death at the very end. 

Step 3

Begin at your death.

Step onto this part of your timeline, and make yourself available to any thoughts/feelings/impulses that arise. Ask yourself: how do I want to feel when I die? What does it look like? Who is around me? What is the best possible expression of it?

After a few minutes, when it feels right, take a step back to the decade before you die and make yourself available to any thoughts/feelings/impulses that arise. Ask yourself: what preparation is needed here if I want to have that future death? What does this decade look and feel like? What is the best possible expression of it?

After a few minutes, step back again, and do the same for each decade, tuning into its best possible expression, until you are done.

In our workshop we do this in pairs and I think it can be more powerful when you are speaking the words out loud and being witnessed, but you can also do it on your own.

I would say the mind and what you think you might want only plays a part here and there are other forces at play, so let yourself receive what comes! E.g I had a strong image of a rose and pearl appearing and a sense of using my altar to stay connected to these afterwards.

So allow the guidance that might come through. 

….

I’m sorry it’s not a ritual for manifesting a partner per se, as so many of you are looking for, but I do hope that if you try it out, it is a profound and valuable experience!

By the way, I did also have to make an effort and go out there to meet my partner and even met him through one of those cheesy dating apps, so it IS possible!

And if you are female German speaker aged 40+ and want to do this ritual in a powerful group container, come along to one of our When Women Blossom workshops taking place next month in Hamburg and Munich (or tell someone you know!). Iva and I are also hosting Dr. Gaby Stalter next month who is both a Western gynaecologist and Chinese Medicine practitioner for an online evening salon. Send me a message if you’d like an invitation.

Or if you are UK based, come along to Bitches & Bastards on September 30th & October 1st in Brighton!